Math Goes Pop!

A well designed t-shirt has the power to delight and inspire; it can break the ice at the start of the evening, and seal the deal at the end. It can be a powerful tool for social interaction, and can help forge the bonds that will last a lifetime.

It is with this in mind that I bemoan the present state of mathematically themed t-shirts, many of which are asinine to the point of nausea. I also feel the need to speak out and warn those who would consider buying such t-shirts for friends or loved ones, under the misguided impression that anyone who studies math will appreciate (much less wear) a t-shirt just because it is related to math.

Let’s analyze some examples, to see just what’s gone wrong with the current state of mathematically inspired fashion. The following five designs can be found here, along with a multitude of others. However, every design seems to fall into one of the categories below:

1) The Symbol Design (epitomized by the pi design):

Many t-shirt designs seem to be of the philosophy that by throwing a bunch of math symbols on a white background, somehow their shirt is clever or interesting. In particular, there are a plethora of t-shirts focused on pi, its decimal approximation, or some pun involving pumpkins or actual pies. Pi seems to have become the poster child for mathematics, which I guess is ok, but I think you will be hard pressed to find a single mathematician who will find the transcription of a long decimal expansion of pi interesting. And for those mathematicians who already feel isolated from society, I don’t think wearing a t-shirt with a whole bunch of numbers on it will make them feel better.

I wouldn’t have as much resentment towards this particular letter if it weren’t for the fact that it always seems to be hogging the spotlight. How about a little love for e? Is it too much to ask for some love on behalf of the Euler constant? Although such similarly themed shirts would be just as unappealing, at least we would have some more variety. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that other constants don’t lend themselves as easily to puns involving baked goods.

2) The “Why Is this on a T-shirt?” Design:

Let’s be honest: nobody is going to be impressed if you have a t-shirt with a whole lot of formulas on it. In fact, some people might be downright scared of such a shirt. And in a case like the one pictured here, why would one want a list of algebra mistakes on a t-shirt? This hardly seems like the most effective place to keep a list of common mistakes. Wouldn’t a notebook be more preferable? Not to mention the fact that while wearing the t-shirt, it would be difficult for one to read these examples; the fact that there seems to be no attempt at formatting them only compounds the matter. Such examples often make poor use of the t-shirt medium, and would seem to fit much better elsewhere.

3) The Plain Old Not Funny Design:

Come on now. Is this really the best we can do? Not only does this design juxtapose two horribly uninspired slogans, but the pun is terrible. If we’re going to go that route, shouldn’t the shirt say “Math nerd rocks rock!!”? And how can a rock hold a pencil behind its head with no ears?

4) The Minimalist Design:

Sometimes these designs can rise above mediocrity, but I don’t see how they could inspire one to make a purchase. I do appreciate the simplicity of the design pictured here – in fact, of the five displayed here, I would consider this particular design my favorite. It does not smack of effort as do so many other designs, but at the same time, it is this very same feature that keeps this type of design from rising above its brethren.

I would, however, highly recommend the thong version of this item, if you are looking for a gift for that someone special.

5) The Math Crutch Design:

Designing a t-shirt based on mathematics can be difficult: on the one hand, you want to make a joke that people who study math will find amusing, but the shirt should also be decipherable to people who do not do math. Otherwise, why should anyone wear such a shirt in public? Presumably, one wears funny t-shirts to project the impression to others that one has a keen sense of humor. But if many people don’t understand your shirt, what then?

This shirt should not be undecipherable to anyone who remembers some basic calculus – unfortunately, asking that of our citizenry seems to be a bit much. On the other hand, one can be thankful that the calculation is not difficult, so that even if your calculus is rusty you should be able to dust off the cobwebs and compute the joke. However, even though this t-shirt does give one that light bulb moment when the content is understood, the punchline itself is a bit crass for general consumption. Certainly, one should hesitate before wearing this shirt to try and get a rise out of a room full of mathematicians, at least if the mathematicians are senior to the wearer.

What then, is a fashionable young mathematician to do? Is there no safe haven from uninspired, math-themed t-shirt designs? I think one will find, upon scouring the internet, that resources are indeed limited. However, there are a few rays of hope that shine brightly through the darkness. Perhaps my favorite example is given by the image below.

This design, from threadless.com, is one I would proudly sport on my own masculine frame. It works because it is not actually a joke about mathematics, but a joke taken from pop culture that uses math to deliver the punchline. As such, it becomes accessible to a wide audience, and shows how even rappers can benefit from mathematics. While strong arguments could be made against the plausibility of a linear model as the best fit for the relationship between money and problems, the basic idea is clear, and can be easily understood and admired by people from all walks of life.

Of course, the life of a mathematician can be fraught with disappointments, and this case is no different: the design pictured here has been sold out for such a long time, one wonders if it will ever be restocked. At the same time, one can take solace in the knowledge that somewhere, somebody is looking at this shirt and having a good laugh with mathematics.

Mathematicians are a rare specimen to behold. While not quite endangered, they tend to congregate in areas less prone to large population densities, such as libraries, or the basements of math buildings, thus making their numbers seem lower than they actually are. This type of behavior is fortunate, for it is because of these tendencies to cluster together that breeding mathematicians in captivity has proven extremely successful – much more so than attempting to breed mathematicians in the wild with the general population (although there are successful cases of the latter phenomenon as well). The point here is that, unless you are of a certain persuasion, you could find yourself going years, possibly your whole life, without ever meeting a mathematician.

Should you be so fortunate to spot one, make sure not to approach too quickly, or you may scare the mathematician away. If you are vigilant, you may be able to engage the mathematician in conversation. In the event that this happens to you, there are a few common misconceptions about what’s appropriate to say to one who studies math. For your consideration, I present three common things people say when they find they are talking to a mathematician, and why one should avoid saying such things.

1) “You study math? You know, I never liked math.”

Ok. What exactly am I supposed to say to that? If you met a musician, would you say “You know, I’ve never liked music. Not my cup of tea.”? If you met a lawyer, would you say, “Yes, studying the law is all well and good, if you are a sucker, that is.” I should hope not. But when it comes to mathematics, people feel it is entirely acceptable to share with you how much they despise that which you devote so much of your time to. Perhaps they were abused by mathematics early in their life (in fact, for many I think this is the case). However, I am not your psychiatrist, and I have no interest in telling you that it’s ok, the math will not come out and bite you now that you are grown. Remember, when it comes to mathematicians, if you don’t have anything nice to say, tell them how good they look in their glasses.

2) “You study math? What’s 12,147 times 5,382?”

Of course, equally atrocious is any question of the form “What is n times m?” where n and m are sufficiently large. Contrary to the image of mathematicians portrayed in most popular media, we are not all socially awkward computational savants – at the very least, we are not all computational savants (even if we do have to buy all our underwear from the K-Mart on Oak and Burnett). Very little, if any, of what mathematicians do involves finding the product of very large numbers. And should we need to multiply very large numbers, we have calculators, just like the rest of you. If we are able to compute larger products than you, it is usually only because our calculators are more expensive. This brings me to a related point, of particular importance when you are out with a large group of people in a restaurant or bar, and amongst you lies a mathematician:

2.5) “Give the tab to the math guy! He’ll figure it out!”

It is precisely these kinds of prejudices that have kept mathematicians down for hundreds of years. From personal experience, under the pressure of society’s expectations on my computational abilities, I find it more difficult to figure out how to split the tab when everyone is eyeing me, wondering what is taking so long. But let’s be honest: you’re just trying to find an excuse not to figure it out yourself. Because nobody wants to figure it out. Well, mathematicians are a lot like assassins – they will do your dirty work, but they expect to be paid top dollar for their services. So the next time you think to ask a mathematician to tell you how much you owe, be careful. You may be paying a hefty, hidden premium for his or her services.

While I’m at it, we don’t enjoy doing our income taxes any more than the rest of you, either.

3) “So tell me exactly what kind of math you do.”

This one is a bit subtler. In certain contexts, such a request will endear you in the heart of a mathematician for many years. But often times, especially in party settings, such a remark is made simply to try and start a conversation. Gentle reader, before you make such a request, you must be made aware of what a deep rabbit hole you are jumping into.

The work of a mathematician tends to be extremely specialized. Specialized to the point where mathematicians will not understand what one another is doing. So unless you want an answer so general as to make it mostly useless (“Number Theory,” “Analysis,” “Geometry,” etc.), you are, in effect, demanding that the mathematician compress years of difficult study into a brief and easily comprehensible tablet. Now, of course there is something to be said for developing the skill of being able to translate one’s research to a level that can be understood, at least in a broad sense, by a large population. But at the same time, for some things, it is simply not possible to have a simple explanation up one’s sleeve. This is why mathematics is difficult. So an explanation of current research will, more often than not, take time, and be at least slightly incomprehensible.

This is not so much a problem, if one is willing to listen. The problem arises when, as mentioned before, one has merely made this remark to try and start a conversation. Not knowing what the questioners have gotten themselves into, they now must sit and listen to a mathematician talk at length about things the questioners really may have had no interest in to begin with. If this goes on too long, it can create tension, and furthermore, when the listener stops paying attention, the mathematician’s time is essentially being wasted. That time could be better spent doing research, or getting all the digits from more attractive party attendees.

In summary, I know it can be difficult knowing what to say when you meet a mathematician. But there are certain things you should not say, at least without understanding what you’re getting yourself into. It may help to pretend that instead of a mathematician, you are talking to a rock star or international supermodel – this should not be a difficult stretch of the imagination, and will help you avoid the taboos mentioned above.